Call Me Onto the Water Matthew 14:28
And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
This last year has been a spiritual battle for my family. There have been so many trials, lots of health issues, illnesses, doctor’s appointments, and quite the journey. We still have little answers and more questions than when we started for both my daughter and myself. My family has been praying over many things – for healing, comfort, strength, wisdom, and also for guidance in what we need to do to get the treatment and answers we need.
I used to be an avid prayer journaler, and would love to still be, but a wrist injury made it difficult to hand write and my deep, personal prayer journaling turned into being in constant, deep conversation with God on a different level than before. I love to pray. I love to pray with others, for others, on my own, anywhere any time. If I didn’t have prayer, I don’t know where I would be in my life. God has been teaching me and growing me in this season of health issues in ways I didn’t know I needed.
Lately, I had been realizing that I really wanted to start prayer journaling again, and have been praying throughout each day for God to help me make sure I am close to Him. I have been praying for God to help me make sure I am ready to hear Him when He speaks to me. I have been praying for God to make sure my heart, ears, and eyes are open to receive Him and obey. I was feeling like maybe, because I had felt so close to God while I had been deep in prayer journaling that maybe my prayer life was dwindling and I was deceiving myself.
God answered many of these prayers and more in one event. I didn’t realize it at the time and was completely overwhelmed when it occurred to me. I ended up taking my child to urgent care. The whole experience from start to finish was God orchestrated. God kept showing up, and I realized later that day once I had gotten through the ordeal with my child settled in bed and medicated that I was hearing God all over the place. My habit of talking to God as I go through my day has taught me to listen for Him and recognize His voice on a level I had not realized or experienced before.
My point is not to say how holy and close with God I am, but to say that because I continue to check my heart, check where I am in comparison to where God wants me to be, to seek Him in everything, to talk to Him without ceasing I have been learning and growing my ability to discern Him in the midst of chaos. I certainly don’t get it right every time. I certainly miss the mark, say the wrong things, make the wrong choice, and fall into sin more often than I would like to admit. But through this, God comforted me in a way I didn’t know I needed.
I think of Peter when he told Jesus “if it is you, call me out onto the water” and Jesus did just that. Peter walked on the water for a little while, but before long he noticed the waters crashing around him and he began to sink. While Peter’s eyes were on Jesus, though, Peter walked on water. He was so focused on Jesus that he was able to do the impossible. As soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus, despair hit him and he began to doubt and panic. This is a perfect picture of what it is like to grow in faith.
I feel like lately my prayer has been a similar one – Lord, if it is you tell me to step out onto the water in faith. And of course, He does. He called me into stressful circumstances, He assigns important things to do for His kingdom, He calls me to care for my family through difficult seasons, He gives unexplainable illnesses and countless specialists, He allows turmoil to take place across my life, and He calls me to serve in difficult ministry seasons and circumstances as well. These are all instances where He calls me out onto the water. I can walk in faith with my eyes on Him, or I can look around me and panic. Sometimes my eyes stray and I start to sense my feet sinking. Every time, I have a choice. Do I look back onto Him, or continue to look at the waves of life crashing around me and sink further?
God loves to show us where we actually are in our faith – not because He doesn’t know, but because He always knows and we don’t. I had been asking Him to show me if I really am close to Him, or if I have drifted away without realizing it. He proceeded to call me out onto the water in several ways all at once. I could have easily turned my gaze to the waves, but I realized later that I am learning and growing to keep my focus on the voice of my Good Shepherd and not be deceived by the trials around me. He is with me through every storm. He is with me on the water. His hand is right there to grab when my eyes lose focus and my heart begins to doubt and worry. I am not a graduate, but I am so humbled to be able to see the work His Spirit has done in me and recognize how far I have come from who I was before Him to who I am now, yet also recognizing I have a long way to grow still.
When life is crashing around you, are you getting out of the boat? Are you keeping your eyes on Jesus? When you inevitably, like me, look away from Him, do you cry out and reach for Him again? What waves are you focused on right now that are keeping your focus from Jesus?
Let Him continue the work He is doing in you. We’re all far from the perfection that awaits us in Heaven, but the growth He is working in us will help us to navigate this stormy world, glorify Him through even the darkest trials and valleys, and draw us closer to Him than we could ever dream to be. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you. Get so close that when the waves do crash, you hear His still small voice and don’t hesitate to recognize the voice of your Shepherd calling you closer to Him. It is a process of developing that personal, intimate relationship with your Savior, and it is worth the investment.
